The Chance Chatter of Chameleons

Kids say the darndest things, at least mine do, they have no filter. As a contracts professional I have spent years barely showing up at school to anything. Couple a career with an anxious mind and that is a cocktail for the “missing mom”. I always manage the important things somehow, but never have I read to the class, volunteered for chaperoning class parties, or field days, or any activity that really involves social interaction. The chameleon in my just doesn’t have enough colors to support those types of things for my kids. I want to, I really do, but I can’t.

I’ve always hated June Cleaver. Who can really like someone who is perfect at the mom thing? How can that be normal or natural? I always joked that she must be sipping a little something extra in her coffee and that is why she was always smiling and was happy to see that misogynist husband, Ward of hers. In my limited view of her world, I had judged her as the idyllic housewife and mom who didn’t want anything for herself but to take care of her boys and husband. That right there my friends made me a narrow-minded judgmental bitch. I’m going to unpack this bad boy a little bit more and share that part of why I hated her, is deep down, way deep down (well maybe not that deep) I wanted to BE JUST LIKE HER! Now that that fact is out there, let me take it one step further, I made these judgements without taking the time to get to know WHO she was, uh-oh. I judged what I saw. How many of us do this? I bet if I could see by a show of hands, I’m not the only judgmental bitch out here.

Now that I know I am unfairly judgmental, I figured it was time to do a little research to find out who June is before I cast my final ballot. I found out through just a few clicks on this wonderful thing called the internet that June Cleaver was smart. She had a bachelor’s degree (shut the front door a stay-at-home mom can be smart and not work)!?!? She wore her pearls not to be perfect but to hide how deep her throat indent was, she was flawed! She handled a misogynistic husband expertly, through sarcasm (I respect the shit out of that)! I found all this information and more on National Women’s History Museum website (https://www.womenshistory.org/articles/defense-june-cleaver ). Check it out, it will change your mind if you were a June hater like I had been.

Now that we have cleared up the misconception that June was a housewife with no ambitions, lets get down to the dirty truth about women, stay at home moms, working moms, or working women with no kids. We are judgmental bitches (most of us), but why? Does it really matter what fulfills you as compared to other women? Wouldn’t it be amazing if we could feel supported no matter what path we choose? Whether we wear or pearls to work, leave them home or not wear them at all? Those pearls don’t define us, they are an accessory to who we are. We need to be honest with ourselves, we are judgmental because we are all afraid, we don’t measure up to unrealistic standards we have set.

I’m going to leave you with this: one thing I know I do right (for me) with my kids, is dinnertime. Every day we sit down and eat dinner as a family. Placemats, plates, napkins the table is set for whoever is home. Each night we talk about what made an impact to us in our day. The other night my ten-year-old daughter said the darndest thing in response to that question, she said “you’re the perfect mom, you work, you take care of us, you take care of the house, and you go to school, you are perfection”. I didn’t know what to say, so I laughed. I’ve always thought the perfect mom was June Cleaver. I always saw the perfect moms as the ones involved at the kids’ schools, not yelling at them to hurry up because they were going to miss the bus, or travel for work and miss Halloween, or not be there after school but send them to daycare. I was barely a good mom in my mind. In my kids’ eyes, right now, I am perfect. June couldn’t be perfect to them.

Maybe it is time we get out of our minds and realize that the “perfect women, perfect mom” is the perfect women/mom for the life we live. We need to all embrace our inner June. She was perfect for her family, and we are perfect for ours, so wear your pearls with pride.

chancechatter

February 25, 2022

Uncategorized

communicate, life, military spouse, moms, perfection, professional
I was asked recently for the purposes of writing a philosophy paper to describe myself the “who I am”. That doesn’t sound hard, right? Dang, if I initially couldn’t describe myself outside of what I look like: 5’5” tall, medium build, blue eyes, white/brunette hair. I then dug DEEP (deep is relative here) and widened my description: wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, professional. That was deep right? What I realized is, I have no idea WHO I am. I know “what” I am. That was the hardest bullshit paper I have ever written. I got an A, but it was total bullshit. I moved on; paper done. I honestly didn’t want to think about it too much, what if I didn’t like who I am?

Recently, I have had a lot of time alone (deployment sucks in case you were wondering), being alone with my thoughts is NEVER a good idea, but maybe it is? I was went running to burn off some depression and anxiety this morning and I realized I do know “who I am”; I am whatever people around me need me to be, a chameleon. Chameleons are rather interesting, they don’t talk. The communicate through body language and color changes. They are what they are perceived to be by other creatures. I feel that to my core. What would they say if they communicated? What would that chatter sound like? Would anyone care or listen? I think there is a community that cares, I think there are other beings that could benefit from that chatter, even if it’s to not feel alone. The ones that don’t, won’t matter. The chatter needs to start somewhere, so I think I will start it here.

chancechatter

February 24, 2022

Purpose, Uncategorized

communicate, community, life, military spouse, mom, philosophy