The Chance Chatter of Chameleons

I see you. I see you tired and beaten, emotionally drained; I see you. I hear you, I hear your voice for others, the advocate, when no one else will talk for them: I hear you.

It likely started at an early age, you were the one that cared for the broken, the misfit, the outcast. You were the one whose mother relied on you for her emotional wellbeing; or whose father worked long hours to try and put food on the table; but still had to rely on the state for assistance. You were the one who grew up too fast, who worried, who was anxious, who was never enough.

I see you. I hear your voice.

In high school you fit in everywhere and nowhere. You listened to the chatter, you longed to be like them, you wanted to fit, while wanting to run away. No one noticed you, but everyone knew you. You were involved, but you did not engage, you were already tired.

You ran away, you ran to who and what you thought would care for you, be your voice, your advocate your emotional support. You were wrong, you ran to exactly what you were trying to run away from. I see you. I see your smile, I see your façade, I see you being an advocate, caring for the broken, the misfit, the outcast. I see you being the emotional support and cheerleader for any one in your circle that needs you.

I see you; I hear your voice.

This continuous spiraling circle of life never ends. The emotional roller coaster that never shows on your face, is never heard in your voice.

I see you; I hear your voice.

I see them rely on you constantly, I see them look to you for solutions, for answers, for validation. I see them; I hear them. I see them take; I see them expect you will fill their well. I watch them surround you. I see you continue to lift them up, to be their voice, to fill their emotional needs.

I see you.

I see you carrying the weight of worry, of sadness, of loneliness, silently behind a smile. I see you furrow your brow wondering if you are enough, if you are failing, if you are worthy of putting down your load for someone else to carry, even if only for a little while. I watch you pause; I watch your step falter almost invisibly; I watch you carry on.

You cannot put down your load of worry, you are not capable. You are compelled to be the advocate for the weak, the sad, the bullied, even if no one listens. Your voice sounds happy, your words are wise, your optimism is contagious. You are dying inside but no one would ever know.

I see you; I hear your voice.

My heart breaks for you. Tears roll down my cheeks. There is no one to carry your load, no one to fix this, to help you break out of the spiral of life in which you are caught. I can tell you; you are enough, you are worthy of putting down your burdens even if for just a little while. You are not failing; you are tired but amazing. Its ok to pause, you do not have to continue every minute of every day, its ok.   Be kind to yourself, the way you are to others. Be gentle, be forgiving, be your voice.

I see you; I hear your voice.