The Chance Chatter of Chameleons

Grace is an interesting word.  I had an English teacher in middle school that taught us to diagram sentences; to label the words as verbs, adverbs, adjectives, nouns, pronouns and so on. I loved writing, but I didn’t particularly enjoy breaking down the written works and deliberating over the proper use and placement. I was thinking about Mrs. Morin today while I was quietly stalking the connections I have on Facebook. I was reading their posts and my catty, nitpicky mind was picking apart grammar, sentence structure the proper usage of words. I was remembering the grammar rules that Mrs. Morin so diligently taught.  Then I started to REALLY read their posts and thinking about what a butthole I was sitting there in my chair judging the quality of the content. The quality didn’t matter, the grammar rules were inconsequential. The human beings struggling to show themselves grace mattered. The human beings spiraling out of control in political posts, in oversharing, in over comparing.

Grace, what is grace?

Grace:

• disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency,
• a temporary exemption:REPRIEVE

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary has numerous definitions, numerous examples of how it is used, nouns and verbs. Reading and re-reading the definitions brought clarity to me. Human beings in general, as a rule, don’t show grace consistently. We don’t provide our fellow humans temporary instances of reprieve to feel their feels, to be less than on point all the time. We are often not kind. We pretend to be, but when we examine our inner thoughts and workings, we are not kind.

Each morning when I put my kids on the school bus, I kiss the top of their head (I know the days of this are numbered) and tell them: “I love you, be kind and make good choices”. What I am really asking them is to exhibit grace, grace instead of judgement when other kids are not like them, grace instead of anger when they get frustrated and want to use words that are unkind, grace instead of needing to have their way all the time. I am trying to instill in them the need to live in grace. I need to learn from what I am trying to teach my children, likely most of us do.

I have a theory: to show others grace, we need to show it to ourselves. We need to allow ourselves a reprieve when we are not able to “keep up” with those elite on social media who have the seemingly perfect lives. We need to show ourselves grace when we are not meeting our own standards, to provide ourselves the courtesy of feeling our feelings, we need to show ourselves grace when we fail. If we don’t accept the grace, we are offering ourselves, we certainly cannot offer it genuinely to others.

Winter is harsh in its beauty, a time when no grace is shown, or is it? Winter for seeming harsh allows the bears to sleep and rejuvenate, the plants dormancy to come back stronger and more beautiful than the season before. Winter unapologetically forces those that would not otherwise rest to rest. Winter is not harsh, it is kind. It sees what needs to be done and slowly creeps in gradually forcing the wide awake to slow down and sleep. As quietly and slowly as it creeps in, it creeps out. Winter knows when the time has come to let the sleeping wake, to let the dormant feel the warmth that will bring rebirth. As winter leaves the crocus emerge, with bright and hopeful colors unashamed of the grace they showed to themselves in their dormancy. Grace allows growth.  

I need grace, we need grace. We need to stop evaluating the bits and pieces that make up the content for accuracy. We need to evaluate for the meaning, the cries for help, the need of the people to be validated, the root of the message. I’m not a touchy feely roses and butterflies’ type of person, I don’t think you have to be, I think you just need to be self-aware and mind your words, your thoughts. You need to allow yourself grace, don’t run that extra race if you are tired, don’t clean that damn house if you want to just sit, don’t cook that meal (peanut butter and jelly are just fine), speak to yourself kindly. This personal act of grace will overflow into those around.

Grow some crocuses, year after year you will be amazed at how they come back. Remember, be kind, and make good choices. Grow grace.